I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
