Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
