I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
