I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize