Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he shaved USA in his pubs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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