Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
