Got a toothbrush?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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