i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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