Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Randomize
