good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
