Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
