I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
