sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
