You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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