You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
