it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
