She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize