I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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