Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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