how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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