so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
