He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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