the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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