Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
