I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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