I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
