new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
