his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize