Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
