I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
