I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
