Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i love accidental penises.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
