but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
