I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
