can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Panties = found
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