She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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