Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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