I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
