i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
