from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
