Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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