so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize