You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
