Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
