Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
