She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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