FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
