They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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