I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize