im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
