The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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