At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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