Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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