It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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