If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
