i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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