I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
