This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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