And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
