you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
