shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
