I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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