I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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