God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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