Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
